June 9, 2022

#70: Self-kindness, the illusion of "I HAVE to", and why vulnerability might save us. With Philip McKernan

#70: Self-kindness, the illusion of
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Season 1

There are so many important conversations happening at the moment about the challenges facing the vet profession and the possible solutions. We love it when we hear things like: 'We have to get better at setting boundaries. We have to stop feeling so guilty. We have to value ourselves more. We have to be more kind to ourselves.' But the big question remains: HOW?!

How do we do those things when we don't even understand WHY we feel guilty? Why is it that we can’t value ourselves? Why are we so weird about money conversations? Why are we so hard on ourselves?

This is why we've brought you Philip McKernan: to help us do the deep work. 

 

  "I feel we have a moral obligation to do this work. If we choose to leave the couch, leave our bedroom and walk out into the world and interact with humans, we have a moral obligation to do the work on ourselves so that we can show up as better humans every single day."

 

Philip McKernan is a speaker, author, coach, and ‘enlightened hooligan’. From working with the Canadian Olympic Team and at the Pentagon to writing 5 books, despite his dyslexia, the man has a lot to share. And share it he does in this conversation with his zero-bullshit cut-to-the-bone approach. We jump straight into the deep end with what being kind to yourself really looks like, and why we (with a particular focus on the vet profession) are so bad at it. Philip pressure tests some of our core beliefs around who we are, what we do, why we do it and who we do it for, and dismantles some myths around how we do them.  

 

"A lot of what I hear is that 'we're serving people, and the industry demands this,'  and I go, 'yeah, I get it, but I don't get it, and I don't buy it, because at the end of the day, you still have a choice."

 

Go to thevetvault.com for show notes and to check out our guests’ favourite books, podcasts and everything else we talk about in the show.

If you want to lift your clinical game, go to vvn.supercast.com for a free 2-week trial of our short and sharp highly practical clinical podcasts.

We love to hear from you. If you have a question for us or you’d like to give us some feedback please get in touch via email at thevetvaultpodcast@gmail.com, or just catch up with us on Instagram.

And if you like what you hear then please share the love by clicking on the share button wherever you’re listening and sending a link to someone who you think should hear this. 

 

 

A couple of weeks ago Gerardo and I were involved in a panel discussion about the challenges facing veterinarians and about possible solutions and it was great, we've having this really important conversations about the things we needed to change to make a profession better and more sustainable for all of us.People were saying things like we have to set better boundaries, we have to learn to stop feeling guilty, we have to learn to Value ourselves and on the one end I was thinking this is great.
We're having all the right conversations, the other hand.I wanted to scream.Yeah, we have to do all these things.But how how do we do these things when we don't even understand why we feel guilty, why we can't value ourselves?
Why am I all messed up around many conversations?Don't just give me the things to say.That doesn't take away my racing heart when I have to do those things that are uncomfortable.For me, help me to figure out why my heart starts racing help me.Understand.So I can really do something about it.
So here's my goal with this episode and hopefully with future episodes to try and get some help in doing the Deep work for all of us.That's why we've got Phillip mckernon.But who's Phillip mckernon?Philip is a speaker author coach, and enlightened hooligan in his own words.
My first bumped into Philip and his work at an online event about two years ago, where he spoke amongst other things about being more, kind to yourself.When I heard him say, The biggest bully you'll ever meet is the one staring back at you from the mirror everyday.I knew that I had something worthwhile to say and after listening to him several more times and events and podcasts.
And in his writing, I genuinely believe that he has something worthwhile to say to our profession.To you have a listen, I think you'll agree.Please enjoy Philip mckernon.
We want to talk about being kind to yourself, but I'll give you a bit of background in a bit of perspective.First of all, how this idea came to me, I did another podcast with a CO o of the big group of eight practices, very high-performing, very driven person, very efficient effective person, and also expects a lot from the people in the company.
And then when I did the interview with her, I asked them what's a biggest challenge in a roll or what would she like to Is and she said helping people to be kinder to themselves.And I meet a dissident, there's an interesting one and immediately thought of you because I've seen you talk on this topic in a very powerful way and it is a big thing.
It's a big thing in our profession, I don't know how much, you know about the vet profession, Philip but I feel like we, the perfect cohort for people who are going to be hard on themselves and it starts at school already because you don't get into vet school without doing really well at school.
Cool because you got to get the marks.So there's an inherent sense, of self discipline and drive, and then it's vet school universities, really tough for this.You don't get through University without you don't do it by being soft on yourself, that's for sure.And and then work as well, the work environment, it Demands a high degree of conscientiousness and you know show up and do your stuff and sometimes shut up and down wins and get on with it.
Because if you drop the ball mistakes happen, you drop the ball, you did.The rest of the team and shit.So, you know, yeah, be kind to yourself.But but also self-sacrifice is so it gets rewarded in the in the profession.But on the flip side, we also have mass of rates of burnout.
Career attrition dissatisfaction with the carrier and in the extreme case, we actually have a don't know if you're aware of this but four times, the average suicide rate of any other profession.So clearly we need to be current yourselves.But then, that's the conundrum is, how do you balance that?
How do you, how do you sit with those personality traits and how do you sit with the profession that demands these things of you?And how do you, how do you tell that with kindness to yourself?So not only is not an easy thing to talk about.No, no, it's not an easy one to talk about.
But I think when, you know, you can either change something from a strategic intelligence level, like, you can put a strategy in place or you can change it from the inside out.I worked with a client yesterday, who said, I want to be nicer to my son and I said, well, I can give you five tips, which I wouldn't and I don't have them, but I said to my five tips to give you that you can do today.
That will show Some results or we can change how you feel about yourself and therefore, how you communicate from the inside out to your song.So you don't have to worry about strategies and tips and everything else you tell me which one you want.And thankfully, he went for the deeper dialogue and narrative and so on and we got into some really really powerful territory.
Most people who are hugely driven massively innately driven their cruel to themselves.Don't they're not, just not kind, they're actually cruel to themselves mainly People who do Iron Man or are and women, whatever the political correctness is around that is there is a type of punishment that they go through physically mentally and emotionally.
So it's not all about achievement and moving forward.As a human, there is a really dark side to people who are driven and the challenge and I'll finish with this is when you lean in and that's my work.When you lean in to begin to, not take that edge away, that harshness that drive away.
But when you begin to Invite people to soften it, they grab Tighter and they don't you take my story, don't you take my identity, don't you?Take my harshness my dry because look where it's got me.It may not be perfect, but look what I've it's become part of their identity.
And what I see with people is when they start to soften around the edges, when they become kinder to themselves, they don't lose their focus.In fact, if anything their focus becomes a nice laser, they start to do nothing other than what they want to do in the world.That is the only result that I've ever seen in that regard.
But I'll leave it there because they obviously there's a broader conversation that we're going to get into.Yeah, it's a good question because that, that was exactly the question.It is that fear of, but I do so well, with, with the way I do it, I drive myself.When I look at you, you've achieved your and achieve it.
Europe and ambitious person.Yeah.But you talked a lot about be kind to yourself.I still, and I, hopefully, we'll get to.How do you do that?How do you Take away the goal, orientated.This without that, get out of bed, you fat, lazy slob and go for that dress.
Is there a different way?Everything.I think you've kind of nails the societal perspective that is one extreme or the other that you know I said to an entrepreneur once and I have a lot of entrepreneurs exit businesses, not in the mechanics in the numbers, but in the emotional landscape like you know, how do I dismantle this?
I work with a lot of entrepreneurs.Owners who try to screw up a sale of a business simply because they don't want the sale of a business because they don't know who they are without it, and they don't know who they're going to be Beyond it.And what's interesting is helping them just navigate emotionally mentally to the place of letting go of the business.
So it doesn't Define them anymore.And then the veterinary world is is ripe with.This is not just our you have you built an identity around yourself, your you've built an identity around yourself in a society that applauds you.I mean, one of my closest friends growing up was a guy called Timber has one, who's a vast in a little town, called Sal bridge in County, Kildare and finebros.
Well, very well known in the veterinary community and Europe, and not just an art.But in Europe, what?I always remember, going away for weekends to these Adventure places, and going kayaking, or whatever, and you'd walk into a bar, and I did feel inadequate.Many days.We say, what do you do?I'm in sales.What do you do from viruses?A, I'm a vet.
Oh, wow.What kind of animals do you specialize in this?Only?I may as well not have been there.So I wouldn't probably be on me if I actually said on occasion.I'm That as well.I just to try to get some attention from people but suddenly he was elevated.Why all these people around?
So there's nothing worse than feeling dejected around your life.When you've gotten to a point.A society says, you're at the Pinnacle.In the words.What I'm saying is it's very difficult for men and women to admit they're unhappy when they've got their children, when they've got the lovely house when they've got the job, they've got the few Euros or dollars.
Our whatever in the bank societies, telling them, they've won the lottery on every fundamental level.And it's almost you've no right to even complain.And I feel that that is a hugely prevalent problem with in the veterinary Community.
Now because I'm in working with them on a daily basis but I know a number of vets and I've seen that.It's very difficult for them to even have the right to admit that they're not happy and I think that's one of the challenges.They button their mouth.They they live with this.They're told they shall be happy because Of what they've achieved.
It doesn't quite Mark.Meet the mark, and therefore, it's more difficult for them to open up around it.Did the distance, I'm professional soccer players, I work with quite a few, the same principle there.They get to play a sport and get very well paid for and they feel guilty about sometimes saying, but I'm not happy.
Yeah, which I couldn't understand.So is it going to be too much of a D2, it to say, how do you find the source of that unhappiness or is that is that a massive topic and should I strike bring us back to?And I think I would I think you go back to the beginning, why did you go into the practice the beginning, you know, it's a question.
I often ask soccer players are professional athletes in that.Is who do you play for?And they go, they named their team and I go, no, no, no.Who do you play the game 4?I just don't know what to say, they don't know where to look.
And they'll sometimes all I play for myself and I go really and I'll ask them a couple of questions and that turns out not to be quite true.And often I'll give you a quick example, rather than speaking obscurity.I was working with a, with a team and it was a preseason camp and the big goal keeper.
Came over to me and he says he got a minute.Of course, when you just walk down the beach and I said, so what do you want to chat about it?And he said, why is it that I'm getting increasingly more scared of making mistakes?I said, okay, so walk me through it and I said, is it anybody in particular?
You're afraid to make a mistake in front of because oh God, no, no, there's nobody particular and I know you're probably gonna call the dad or the mom card, but it's nothing to do with that.I said, okay, cool.Brilliant I said, let me, let's just play it.Play scenario here.Let's just and we're literally walking on the beach and I said, it's a blustery windy day and you're playing in a stadium that doesn't have, you know, covered a lot of coverage.
So, the wind is coming through the page and 00.You got a minute or two to play in the game.There's a free cake.All is curled into the box.You jump up, you feel confident that you've gauged your time incorrectly but as you reach up into the air, you suddenly realize the balls going to pass you you've jumped your timing is off.
The wind is taking the ball, whatever and you by the time you hit the ground, you hear the crowd screaming because the guy behind you, the opposition, the enemy, whatever you want to call them, have just scored in your goal and you've screwed up basically.
And as you pick, Her face off the dirt and you look into the crowd.Who's the one face, you do not want to see.Excuse my language in the end Advanced.I typically don't apologize for he goes off, fuck you.He said and I said, go on and he said it's my dad.
This is a grown-ass man that I don't mean that in a judgmental way, who is completely unaware that at the ripe old age of 31 or 32 as he matures into his career and is beginning to come towards the end, he still playing the game.
He's still playing literally the game of Chase in looking for approval of his father.I think on a very basic level, if your listeners could just stop and ask themselves who did they do this for, who did they start doing it for?
What are they trying to achieve?No not the noise, not this stuff below.Go there's a question behind the question and there's always a question behind that and I think if you can reconcile that one, I think you've an opportunity to own what you do and do it the way you want to do.Because you did say earlier on and I don't disagree, but I do disagree that it's a career or it's a pop that demands from you.
There's lots of Demands on my time, it doesn't mean I say yes to choice.And you can choose to say yes or no to demands when you're playing for somebody else.But if you're playing for yourself, it's a very different animal.I took me 40 something years to try to figure that out.
I used to think I was here to help all these other people and I am here to do that, but not to the detriment of my own soul.So in your experience, the lack of kindness to yourself, is it normally the parent thing?
Where is it?Where is the wound?What is it would mostly come from because I look at myself.All right, I can say hand on heart but I don't know.Maybe I haven't gone deep enough but I certainly never felt excess of judgment or harshness or anything from my parents.
I had a broad Brothers, they might have been a different story but When I'm harsh with myself, I don't ever hear the voice of my dad, or my mom.Hmm.And I'm not, I don't want to come across that that, that the source of it is always your parents with your parents influence and your parents influence by not just for what they say.
But what they don't say.So I left, he was working the man last week.And and, and, and I said to him, I said tell me about your childhood is the starting point.When I do private work, I just always start with the first session is, it's one, understand your story and For, I want you to begin to understand the narrative, all the things you've been through that.
I've formed who you are today.The don't have to determine who you're going to be tomorrow and they do unless we're aware of them and he said, really happy childhood and I said, well, I've heard that one before and I said, according to who and he said well according to me and I said, well in that case, you won't mind, if I ask you a few questions and he was very quite defensive and when we got to some moments of, let's just call them maybe weaknesses in his in his parents parenting style, he would justify and rationalize it by but my dad.
I just did the best he could, which I understand he did, and it was a societal thing back then or whatever.And while both of those things are true.Both of those things, blind us from what actually was going on.And yesterday, I think we have like we had a follow-up call and I and the conversation of Shame came up and he goes, I don't really have a relationship with Sheamus said, when when you, when you begin to connect with it, when was the first time, you felt shame?
And he said I was 6 or 7 years old.I stole something from a shop.I showed it to my parents because I felt so guilty.They insisted me going back to the shop walking up to the shop owner and telling him what I had done paying for the item leaving it behind, whatever.
Now, forget about, whether the parents did the right thing or not.That's not the point.The point is from that moment forth.He would feel immense shame when he did anything wrong, in his life became part of his narrative part of his identity, and I'm working with a young man.Who until very recently would have said I was cooking.
I was out there.I was wacko.I was nuts.When I said to him, I said you just don't really like who you are.As a person, this is nothing to do with your industry.Has nothing to do with their sons.Who the guy just screwed you over in a business to use.Don't like who you are and therefore, you give yourself what you feel you deserve, you have all the vision boards and all the goal setting.
But really it meant to nothing because if you don't like who you are at the core and you walk through this Earth, you will find ways to give yourself what you feel, you ultimately deserve.And I know we're getting into very deep territory, I believe very rich territory but very deep territory.Most human beings I work with Don't really like there.
And if you don't like who you are, there's probably no better profession to go into to try to write that then being a vast, being a doctor, maybe being a dentist.And my limited understanding of all of those professions that I've worked with in people from those professions, many of those professions have the same challenges that you are aligned at the very beginning of this.
Call disconnectedness within the industry.Attrition suicide depression, alcohol, drug abuse, all these Different things.There's a reason for that, no matter how much giving you give, no matter how much even down to the last drop of blood that you give to your clients.
It's never going to make up for the disdain to dislike the distrust that we have within our souls towards ourselves.And I can feel that so heavily because not just do.I see it every day?
I can feel it in my own story, because as much as I'd love to play the hero here and be seen as the guy who's dedicated his entire existence to helping people.It's true.There's also a deep selfishness to that because I was trying to make up for my own gaps.
My own holes, my own inadequacies my own shame.So I think when people say I Do It For the Love of Animals, I Do It For the Love of people, whatever the story is.I know that's partially true but there's also something that Drew you there whether it's following in your parents footsteps, whether it's trying to impress somebody, whether it's societal pressure.
But I also think there is a sense of selfishness is not the right word, but I'm going to use it because I can't find a better one right now, but there is a self selfishness about why we're doing what we're doing, but most of us are not in touch with me, we're not.Honest about it.Is it a case of?
Wanting to be the hero and your story.So these are based on inadequacy or something that you feel and you go.How can I how can I prove to the world and therefore to myself that I'm the pair of the story does that?Yeah.That makes sense.I'm a good.
I'm a good person and yes, the cruelness and you've got to be quite astute with your listening.And more importantly hearing, you know what I do is I don't listen to people like you hear them, at least I try my best.To hear them and it's not even what they're saying to me because most people are trying to say something and they're trying to convince themselves and sometimes they even get past the first layer of my Spidey senses.
And sometimes I find myself going, do you if you heard how you speak about yourself?Do you know how you hold yourself in the world?And if you listen really, really carefully you'll find that that disdain that this like that distrust that comes out in people is there and it's embedded.
And therefore, a lot of what they do on the outside is to try to compensate for that.And the reality is, they need to shine a light inside and look at their lives.Look at who they are.Look at what they've done look at, what's been done to them and to reconcile, that and be at peace with that, and then therefore be a piece of them.
Sounds and then be a piece in whatever they do as a profession in the world.So how does that manifest?So let's say somebody's listening maybe not me and thinking no no I don't think so.No I don't think that's me because we're very good at creating that story to the point we and especially ways we very clever and can reason now wait through things and then pretty good at lying to yourselves probably What does it?
What does that disdain?How does it manifest?I do you recognize it as oh shit.Yeah, maybe maybe Phillips onto something there.Well, I'm a disdain.Sounds like a very hot.Yes, very big word.So, you know, I want to just name that out loud that it may not.They may not be in touch with the disdain and you cited something, you know, not just have people who have gone through veterinary school had to be hugely disciplined and, and and turmeric just turned on and it, you know, really, really intellectually.
Aged to get through the level of schooling, they have to go through to be qualified as a vet.Ultimately, therefore, they are getting a excited reward not just in a piece of paper but literally a profession for being intellectual.
Therefore, it's very, very difficult.Begin to turn that down, never mind turned it off and get in touch with what we're talking about because this is not intellectual necessarily.This is more in the feeling space that called the whoo space, which is a nice way of saying it's bullshit.But but it's a Actually, it's more on the emotional space.
And if you find yourself at a movie, which I did many years ago, last c25, or, you know, whatever some actor dies, whatever?You find yourself.Crying a little bit disproportionately to what's actually going on in the movie.It's probably nothing to do with the movie, because the actor dog is still alive.
And we all know are the actor that jumped off a cliff or was pushed off a Davis till alive?Would you find yourself just being kind of, oddly emotional at these obscure times and Crying what you're doing with the tells you there's a lot of emotion that you're simply not processing and you haven't given yourself the time.
The other one I see as the expectations you alluded to this the very beginning of the cold with with somebody else but when you have high expectations on others it's a direct reflection of the expectations.You have in yourself and that drive we don't want to take it all away.But the reason you're being you're pushing yourself so hard is the fact that no matter what you do is never enough.
That's another indicator that there's a harshness that you hold upon yourself in the world and it's always going to be the next Mountain.The next Hill, the next achievement, the next goal, it's always going to be nothing and the way I often talk about it as you get to the top of the mountain and you look across and your.
Well, first of all, you stop for a brief second and go shit.I thought I'd feel different.I thought when I got my Veterinary practice up and running, this was the dream.I'm in Brisbane.I'm in a busy neighborhood.I've got my lease Put my little sign over the door.I had my first client walk.I thought it would feel different.
What about what's wrong?Oh, I get it.I didn't open one and Adelaide.And then the and then they want to sit there, it's the chain I have.Why was I thinking course it's the chain and all the rationale that goes with it, growing for growth's sake.
And then when you open the chain, then it's like, well, what's missing?I've always loved.I've always wanted a copy shop.But let's go, why don't I with the profits from the business?Assuming I have some I'll open it and then it went but the why am I feeling the connection?Where maybe it's my maybe it's my husband, maybe I'm just sick of him.
Maybe I need to upgrade him or her or whatever and it just never ever stops and hopefully before we die we look in the mirror one day and we go I think the problem is just intern and it's not even that big a problem necessary but what I'm talking about is actually very simple.
It's not easy to do but it's really simple work.I think we put a lot more complexity on this and people go well that works hard and I go it is not harder than not doing.I can guarantee you that So what is the work look like?
The most important work I think any human being can do.In fact, I would go, as far as to say, I feel we have a moral obligation to do this work.If we choose to leave the couch, leave our bedroom and walk out into the world and interact with human beings.We have a moral obligation to do the work on ourselves that we can show up as a better human every single day.
If we choose to bring children into this world, or can bring children into this world, we have a moral obligation to work on ourselves, so we don't pass our bullshit.Our stuff are subtleties.It's not Bullshit, these little subtleties, these nuances On to the Next Generation.Typically, what we do as humans is we either repeat history and do what our parents did or we do the absolute opposite to prove that.
I'm not like my dad.Neither of those is an authentic reflection of you as a man or a woman in the world.It's like finding your own gauge.Who are you at the core?The most important work, I think any human being could do in a very basic level is just go to a therapist.Obviously I'm going to save once you come to me but that's that's not what this is about.
This is about trying to get people to realize that actually Even if they had the perfect childhood which doesn't exist, it was so perfect that they've got problems armed.As I say to people like the best in parenting advice ever that I can give any human being no matter what you do with your kids you're going to fuck them up.
And what I mean by that is it doesn't mean you give up on them.If you hug them too much, they're going to be therapy if you don't help them, do all the going to need therapy.And what I mean by that is you you just give yourself a break.You don't have to be perfect.That's another issue.By the way, for a lot of people in the rectory world is they give so much to their career.
And if they have kids are Partners or wives or husbands is, they often feel they're giving 50% to them or 50% and their cotton.This never-ending cycle and Vortex of I'm not really winning anywhere in my life, which is exhaust like absolutely one of those exhausting things.
The world go back into your childhood.There is no man or woman on this Earth that if they go back in and they're guided in a beautifully Compassionate strong challenging environment, they will not uncover things about themselves that will blow their mind open and understanding.
Therefore, this is the key to understanding how the past has influenced who you are today around money God.We've got such a screwed-up perspective of money like oh my God, it's a staggering you and I could talk for four hours just on money and Veterinary.The battery practice does not get off that card either.
They don't get Great.I don't get a pass there.If you're in a room of 20 people, you say one word.That that captures, honestly, how do you feel about money?You will have freedom anger, disdain, love.Hey, whatever, you love it.Every word in the Spectrum and every one of them have a positivity and a shadow side, and it's not, right or wrong, it's just being aware of it.
If it's if it's if the word is freedom ago us the best work because that's the cool word, go.Yes, you need money to be free.Oh, I didn't think About like that is then what's enough and enough?So so going into your past and understand how your past has influenced your present and I guarantee you'll see with the harshness comes from and why you're not kind to yourself, but I want to share one little story because I think this kind thing and I really commend you for being this conversation to the table.
Like when I read, what this conversation was going to be about.I kind of smiled.I said, fair play to this guy in a world of such intellect and such heaviness Say that with which respect.To bring a conversation around.Kindness that requires courage.
That requires somebody with a vision and I'm not just saying that to be nice.I really mean that, but we what does it?What does it even look like or sound?Like and I know you've asked that question.I given a couple of examples and I think ultimately it's this no matter what I do.
It's never enough.But the challenge for many people entrepreneurs and driven people is they don't know that when they're in the middle of it.But it was one story that I'll always remember and this is a well-known man who was it was on TV and different stuff for that and he came to her Workshop.And he sat there, very passively and many people who are well known in society.
Don't want to come to group work with me.They want to work with you privately because they don't want the world to see that they've got laundry to, and maybe it doesn't smell as good as they want everyone to believe it does.And this man was sitting there and I looked on - calm John, I see, John what's going on?Because all of this is great.
No, I'm just, I'm just observing, nice.No, I know you are any questions and he goes, yeah.What's when someone?He said when someone doesn't I said, no, no, you Stop it that we don't do this asking for a friend, is he exactly.So we don't do that.
I said I want you to make it personal and he said, okay well why why no matter what I start?I never quite finished.What's the answer?What, why do I do that?I said well it's a pretty big question and you know I need to probably begin to understand a little bit more about you because okay, ask me any question you want to still tell me what it was like to grow up?
And he said, well, you know, the deal, black kid, white neighborhood and I stopped right there and I said, no, I'm a white kid in a wives very white neighborhood.I don't know what it was like and thankfully I stopped him and he said well it was really bad.
I said tell me about how bad it was and then he starts to Tommy her battles and I said, what was that?What was the most pivotal thing that you had to do in order to survive?live or fit in our least to attempt to And he said I had to put white powder on my face.
That's what he chose to do to fit in.That's how much we want to fit in a society.And I like I told a story a few times over the last number of years and I even the value when I connect with us today, I feel like I could just burst into tears because my heart was broken for this man in this room.
And I could just and I said, how old were you?And he said I was about 12 11:50 and he said I would put white powder on my face to try to, you know, make myself lost, look, less black essentially and I'm standing there trying to keep it together, but been comfortable enough.
My own skin to allow the emotion to be sure.Everyone's here everyone's crying at this tears rolling down my face and What I noticed was the distain and the Judgment that he had towards the white powder.
And I did something in that Workshop that I've never done before.And I took a chair into the middle of the room and I said, I want you to look at that that chair.And I want you to imagine that ten-year-old, your yourself that little ten-year-old boy, with the white powder on his face.And I knew, I knew what was coming.
I just didn't know the extent of what was about to be Unleashed.And I want you to say something to him.And he looked at the chair and he said you weak piece of shit.Be a mangrove ball, whatever these horrific, horrific violent statements. and, When he finally stopped abusing ultimately of himself, essentially is what we're talking about here.
I looked at him and I said, The not finishing is not your problem.Never has never will be, but until you get to a point that you can look at that chair and the only thing you want to do is pick up that child and hug them and hold them and tell him.
He's okay, and he's doing his best.You're never going to be happy.You're never going to be fulfilled, you're always going to be searching for something that you will never ever find.And is powerful.
And we do that and we will put the white powder on whatever the whatever you trying to hide.It was staggering and I did not, obviously you cannot looking at notes, I had no plan and sharing that story today, but it just, it just came up and I just felt so relevant because of the energy you're creating in the conversation, we're having and it might sound extreme to some.
But we all have that version of within ourselves, we all have that inner bully and it's not about getting rid of the inner bully.It's about, naming it understanding where it comes from and allowing that voice just to soften And when I say stofan it, that's the epitome of the absolute opposite of what so many your profession are and have been and have become and I say become they did, they weren't born like that, they became that in a cultural context and societal context of family context, they became this driven on what I'm saying to you and to them if they're still listening, they're still tuned in and they haven't checked out into this guy's totally cuckoo.
Is that by by softening around the edges.You become a better human, you will become I believe five times the veterinarian that you are, but you'll actually be happier and you'll be more fulfilled and you'll be less driven by audacious goals and you allow yourself to live from a slightly more organic and shoot of place where you just think show up and you Meander a little bit more life.
And I don't mean that in an organized way, you just things present themselves to you.You're the most unattractive guy or girl at the bar is the one that burst through the door trying to find a date for the night or a wife for the pro-life or a husband for life.But when you're not looking for a relationship, you're not desperate, you haven't put on a vision board, you haven't written a goal and you're not going.
We're measuring people saying, oh, you you're the right height you you fit my vision board your perfect.That that's the place.I think we need to get back to in life.And you can't get there unless you're nice to yourself.We used to call that dating thing.This thing somebody has this thick of desperation.
Yeah, exactly.Can I bring a one other thing as well?Absolutely we don't have to go here necessarily I trust you 100% on this but this this idea that when you become a vast or when you become a vet and you own your own practice or when you become a wedding, you're working with the right company.
Will fill in the blank, whatever the thing is, it's almost seemed like often interpreted or seem like a Finish Line.The, when I get here, then, okay, it's going to be okay.One of the things that I suspect will resonate with you, If not many of your listeners is the absence and here's a great indicator to know if someone's kind to themselves.
What is it that you do?Or what is it that you used to do that?You love that you've stopped doing and they'll say something on guys.Well I mean I used to Surf.I used to sail, I used to fish, I used to paint, I used to write poetry.
I used to fill in.I used to watch movies and what you'll find is many of your audience members have, given those things up.In the hope that they'll come back to them someday, but Philip Hang on.We're going to practice in Adelaide.
Remember, we've got one in Sydney, the new one and it's, it's harpen.We've got the one in Brisbane.Rice.We're thinking, Karen's next where we might go across the Perth, actually, might put in New Zealand.Who knows we might go Global when I sell that Philip when I sell, I'll write all the poetry.
That most poets combined, never had a chance to write.I'll paint all the paintings.I'll do all the surfing and life doesn't work like that because when you abandon yourself and I'm using that language very intentional when you abandon your Artistry which is a form of abandoning self, you don't just pick it up and go back to a place without form of regression.
Are disconnectedness to.So what you'll find is, how many people have given up?Something?They've loved in the pursuit now.I appreciate it.During exam times and particularly intense times I get it.And the other side of this as well as yet but we would.It doesn't surfing doesn't help my business.
Poetry doesn't help the margins.And I would respectfully say that is complete and utter horseshit, because what it does is it supports you.And I can tell you, if someone being burned out, maybe they're in the wrong profession, maybe they're doing it for the wrong person.
Maybe they haven't done it for themselves.Fill in the blank.Maybe they don't like who they are.So they give and give and give every last drop of blood then they'll be enough.Are maybe they've also stop doing something that brings them joy, that energizes them, that that fills them back up again.
So they can, Back out into the world and be a better human being every time.And I've noticed this pattern with with driven people, is they give up their Artistry, they give up fun in the pursuit of career, and it is a catastrophic mistake.
Thirdly, thirdly hit the nail on the head because again, it's a as a rule, it's a broadly talented group of people and it starts at University started med school.You don't have time for the for the art, for the singing, in the choir, for the music, making for the the stuff that fills your soul.
Really, it becomes.Yeah.When I qualify once I finish final exams up to it and exactly as you say you do you generally do?And generally, don't ya, ya hit, many nails.I want to Circle back to to what you said about the the phenomenon of being spread thin of I'm not a good enough vet because I've got kids and I've got and again we are predominantly, female profession, where culturally still, the mom is still the primary caregiver, but they also the bed.
And now, they're also learning practices, and they just feel inadequate at all of those.What, what do you do about that?Is it just the case of just giving yourself a break?Lowering your expectations or how do you, how do you handle that?
Give you give your kids away and I say that tongue-in-cheek and I say that jokingly, but like that's where people go, they go.What I can't give my kids away and I've invested so much into my career like we're not talking to me and correct me if I'm wrong.
That school is not like 12 months and a couple of hours a day.I mean it is years and and one of the challenges when you get will work with people who sometimes realized that maybe they need to reimagine their career or their relationship with their Career are their positioning within their career is that they go.
Well I've invested so much I've invested so much.I can't just go down to two days a week.I can't, you know, sell the practice and just do one day, our whatever it is, are they built a lifestyle that requires them to have to work, which is, by the way, very convenient because that's it.And I say that very sarcastically and thankfully, you're from a place that understand sarcasm and put it sometimes, we create a machine that requires us To be a workaholic.
And I believe and this this may not go down very well with your listeners and so be it.But workaholism is not an addiction to work.You know I don't think entrepreneurs are driven people better, that's her otherwise you know, love the office.
I often think it's they just don't know how to be at home.And one of one of the one tragedy that that emerges is that we justify that we're doing.For our family.This conversation that I work with a lot of business owners and, and I know this would resonate with, with you or with others.
If we allow it to for honest with ourselves not is, you know, I often meet people go.Yeah, but I mean, I mean, look, my kids are gonna have a great lifestyle when I eventually sell this business or Builder to a certain point, it is going to have you just explained the landscape to them and they go.What do you mean have you ever set your kids down?
Say just so you understand the reason or excuse I use and I often bring skus And for being a workaholic, is I'm doing for you.Now, when I'm not at your soccer game, or if I'm at your soccer game, but, you know, I'm not present, because I'm either on my phone, I'm still in the practice, you know, I'm not really there.
Okay, you know, and I know we all know.So let's stop bullshitting.When you know that that's happening, you're okay with me doing that because you know, I'm building the practice for you, That it's such a good excuse, isn't it?It's a brilliant.Brilliant.Excuse and I say, would love and respect because I'm guilty as hell of doing this myself.
So I'm not sitting here preaching and telling you this is, I do not want to come across the guy as a figure, it all out because all I do is get my wife and my kids in those 55 reasons why I'm a shitty dad, just in the last 24 hours, ever mined in life.But but I say okay.Well all I ask you to do is to let your kids know that that's what you're doing or at least give them a choice because I have yet to meet a now.
That looks me in the eye for a place of absolute honesty and goes.I wished my mom and dad worked harder, maybe smarter that's a different conversation.But I can tell you the world is littered with people who wished, their dad saw them heard them, love them unconditionally hug them, told them, they were proud of him or her, for whatever they did, or, you know, not anything they did before we these once in their life.
So we often tell ourselves these stories.But the more I look at it, the more honestly, I'm with myself and the people that I serve is workaholism isn't is an awkwardness of connection.It's an inability So it's not an inability.It's a, it's a, it's a not knowing how to connect.
So it's an uncomfortableness and personal relationships.Therefore, it's easy to get lost in your work to hide in your profession.And I'm going to call one big big giant, maybe it's not my place to say and please push back and say it's unfair if you want to because you're here to protect the industry and the people that you serve.
But I think a lot of what I hear is what we're serving people on the industry demands this and we I go.Yeah, I got it but I don't get it and they don't buy it because they think at the end of the day you still have choice.You still can create a business, you can still create a practice that is built around your lifestyle.
And I don't buy that you have to do it the way it's been done historically because I don't think it's working for the very reasons that you outlined in the break at the beginning.Yeah.Yeah, I do.I'm not going to defend it because I agree with you.It is the way it is.
I try to be different but yeah, it's hard to be different.It's really hard to be different.This is Chris, there's a societal I'll explain my scenario so I am going to give all the excuses but my I was a child of the 80s.My dad was a doctor, mom is a doctor but more of the primary care it but Dad worked hard.
He I never felt neglected but certainly we didn't have him at the at the rugby games and because he was a doctor, he was at work.General in general, I generally can say no resentment at all.I feel sorry for him that for what he missed out on, not so much that I missed out.
So, I'm on that camp.Where you say?You're trying to be the opposite, not in every aspect.I again, never felt neglected or unloved or unworthy, or anything, but I want to be there.So I've tried to shape my career in every possible way to be present, but then you do it and you feel guilty, you feel judged.
People are like I sometimes feel like I have the opposite problem in the kinds yourself.In this world.I feel like I want being too soft.I myself.Am I reaching my full potential by being a slacker?Because I'm 11:00 on a weekday morning.And I'm watching my kids do something.
And I know, I know, I know, I know my, I know cerebrally and I know in my heart, that that's the right decision.Yeah.But there's that little big fucking cultural voice.And and and in our profession again, there's an expectation of it is almost a stigma The word.
And luckily, this changing but part-time with, it's just about just a part-time with just a little bit.I get that.He's, you know, he just a part-time that, you know, when you asked, I often see this with women.You know, what do you do?I'm just a mom that word justice is such an undermining word.
And I, and again, I commend you for, for being different in a community that Nest doesn't necessarily share our encourage that type of differentness, but it is coming regardless and I think it takes people like yourself, too.To challenge the status quo.But I'm also imagining and I could be off here, but the Judgment may be within the industry.
Also comes from the fact that when you do something, you're inviting people to consider how they're doing is so, you know, the the couple that go to the dinner party and announce to their friends that they're going to homeschool their kids and all the other couples.If this happens, the other couples jump on them and go where they're going to be inadequate from a social standpoint and they're going to become recluses and this and that some of that might be genuine concern but it's also if I don't attack this, Either have to reflect upon this as it relates to me being a parent and I am I doing the right thing.
By putting my kids in an institution that I may or may not even agree with but if they attack us, that's the best form of kind of a supposed offense to some extent, but it's interesting.It's just only for maybe for you to reflect upon or anybody else to reflect upon a, you know, a couple of things.
And we don't have to genuinely discuss this at all, but you, my dad was busy.He was a doctor.And I do feel the way you said it, but also within society, that there are certain professions that it's okay to be super busy because he was ex my dad's of that.
So he was busy and That's where it comes back to this idea of choice for your listeners.Now and in the future is that there's not just an expectation that you should be happy and you should be looking, you should be appreciative of what you've you know you've got but you should also work to the Bone doing it.
And you should sacrifice so much and I don't think that's written on Billboard's.I don't think it's written in contracts.I don't think it's unsexy neon lights at side of practices around the streets that I've ever seen.I don't even think the universe is sent to WhatsApp messages.But I think it's a kind of an inbuilt expectation that you're only doing it.
Well, if at the end of the week, there is nothing left for you or anybody else to get.And that to me is wrong.And then people are all.Hang on a second, I play 18, holes of golf, every Friday, like a cool print.
And how many of those 18 holes of golf?Do you think or feel guilty about not being in the office looking after, Peggy's, Pomeranian and Sue's strange cat from China or wherever the hell these different breeds are from?
Obviously, I'm not a bad.I've just been exposed but well actually, I do think about that a lot.Well, you might as well be in the Actors because the 18 holes of golf are doing you.No good.All they're doing is invoking, more guilt.And I don't know, I don't know what's the solution to that?Because I say these things, I try and try and be different.
But now, started this podcasting, I've now, I'm actually more engaged in what I'm doing.I'm enjoying it more.So I'm less present when I'm present less Exactly.That guilt thing of yeah.Yeah.I'm going to go for a walk with you but I've really feel like I should be editing my podcast.
Yeah.Yeah, that's that.I know.How do you know what is that just the mindfulness thing?Well, I would, I love to do is I love to understand the origin of that a war.What was the actual origin of that?And I think in your case, I would respectfully say that there is some things you've picked up within the profession you're in within the veterinary industry Etc.
But Definitely some fundamental cultural expectations.Not by what your dad said, but just by who he was.It's not - it's not to try to turn your dad into a villain often people say, well, what happens if I do discover that I wasn't IA you said I don't feel any black girl feel anger or whatever.
But what happens if we do a deeper dive on it and the reason anger and there is resentment and there is sadness and there is frustration.People go well, that'll just piss me off.Make me feel more of a void between myself and my dad knows the actual Opposite because whatever you feel towards somebody it's playing out, you can't help.
But allow, however, you feel emotionally that somebody to naturally play out every moment of every day by not letting them see the grandkids or not calling over as much or whatever it happens to be, it always plays out.But I'm asking people to do is to be aware of.Actually what happened what's happening?So you can begin to repair it even if it's a one-way dialogue, even if it's just you doing the internal work, sometimes it requires a conversation with the other person.
There's many people who have parents and we love this idea of a one last letter.This may or may not be useful to you or any of your listeners but I love the one last idea is to try to create not urgency is always the wrong word but ascents of let's just use urgency and one of the most powerful exercises that I think any human can do is to write a one last letter.
To their parents.And the first letter.Is one of anger and frustration and judgment and negativity, and everything else.Even though they don't think they have it, and the letter will will shock you often?And on that angry.
My dad was not my Rugby games.And before, you know it you're writing a letter and you're going, you, whatever, x y and Zed, you should have been whatever.I'm not saying that will happen.I don't know.But I'm saying that it often does you write the first letter and you, you do the agreement is you write that letter.
You never reread it and you put it in the garbage, you burn it, you just get rid of it, and it's a form of Letting Go purging a little bit.And then the second letter is a letter, that you might contemplate actually handing to your father and, or your mother and Suggest that exercise for you but I'd also suggest for your listeners because it's a way of relinquishing the the tentacles of the past, and how they've influenced, who you think you are right now.
So you can begin to own who you are now and build or rebuild.Sometimes it's not about getting out of the veterinary practice, it's not about becoming a baker, it's not about becoming a surf instructor.It's not about necessarily abandoning the business.I think, when we get to that, At point we left it too late.
We we've exhausted ourselves to the point where we just can't contemplate into a 10 years in this industry.I think if we're proactive in the process earlier on, I think we can avoid a lot of the disconnectedness and I think the biggest piece of disconnectedness in the lostness is when someone literally takes their own life because there are such a place in their life.
That they feel that I believe often suicide is about believing.The world will be a better place without you.It's not actually the most selfish act and I learned that from a gentleman called Professor Anthony.Claire one of the greatest psychiatrist that has ever lived and I was very fortunate to travel around the world with him and Australia and number of times and he told me about that but that's the ultimate disconnectedness, that's the ultimate form of loss.
But imagine if we had had a conversation with those people, 10 years earlier or 15 years earlier or God forbid, we actually bring it into the industry into the curriculum into the school and have that conversation and then One thing I want to share because when I worked with the US military in the US, I was brought in a different military bases and you know I'm not an advocate of war or the military for that matter but I love people and I wasn't going to discriminate between, you know, somebody with a uniform on versus somebody.
Not one of the things became very apparent, very quickly is, there's 22 military personnel A Day in the United States committing suicide after they leave the forces, 22, a day that does not account for.Or alcoholism, drug abuse, addiction depression, whatever, 22 military a day committing suicide.
And I remember being at a very high level meeting in the Pentagon, one of these massive, something out of a movie, when these massive boardroom table is a general sitting right next to me at the top of the table with all his bells and whistles.And they talked about this military problem of suicide and everything else.
And I said with respect to see General I said it's not a military military, promise a human problem.Of identity that when the mother you know, is still the primary caregiver as he said are the father.But I say the mother says goodbye to their 18 year old as they walk down the drive, getting you over and go to college the close the door, look in the mirror and go if they still recognize their face, their own face.
I'm talking about they go.What's next now?Who are you now?Now that your son or your daughter or sons and daughters have left the building and that's being your identity for so long.And I feel that the reason it's so massively catastrophic for the military is because they're treated like heroes in society.
In America, when you meet a gay man or a woman with a military uniform, they're often bought coffee in the line and Starbucks, they're often given up.They're being offered a season first class when they walk onto a plane.I'm not saying we shouldn't respect people who Making the world safer, better, whatever.
I'm not saying we shouldn't respect people.But not one of the men and women that I ever met and interviewed said, I love being praised for pulling a trigger and taking another man or woman's life, regardless of the situation, they don't feel deserving that it wanted, not one of them, not one of them wanted, and I think that's have been given a natural place for pedestal in society and I think it's detrimental because that pedestal is necessary.
The place of healthiness and respect.It's a pedestal of expectations.Be like that pedestal.Yeah you do but it comes with a cost.I'm just saying, just be aware of the Shadow side of me is when those men and women take their uniform off, they haven't just stepped away from the military, they literally lost their uniform, their identity.
And when they put it in the closet or it's taken back, are they burn it?Or whatever happened happens to be would interest me know if you go way back to the beginning, if you ask many of the men and women in the service today, why did you join the military?I mean I think this is fascinating and this goes back to our point is, who do you play for?
Who do you, who do you practice for They join because the 911 anger, not the most authentic response in the world.They join to follow in their parents footsteps.Again, not the most authentic representation in the world, they join because they didn't know what else to do.Not the most authentic, represent representation in the world.
Are they join because the military gives them access to healthcare and different levels of financial aid and everything else that no other industry would do.All of those, those four are.They're not sustainable.Or you might meet someone who did it because they really wanted to do it and I only met one.
Doesn't mean he needs to leave.Are they ready today?They just need to reimagine the relationship to what they do trying to draw a parallel to the vet profession.So the most common answer to that question is, why do you do it is?A lot of people have always known.I was going to do, it always had a thing for Animals.
I want to work with animals, I want to help animals.It sounds like a valid reason to me, it's a good reason, right?It is a valid reason is, but it's like, you know, I love dancing.So, should I make a career to dancing?I don't, I'm not questioning the Literacy of the rationale behind us but sometimes that's that's I suppose my question is and it's a very, very scary question because it could come across as being really judgmental.
Is, is how true is that statement?Like how many statements do we make us human beings that if we're truly questionable, I think the thing that I'm known for is really challenging people to a very deep place, so we can uncover the truth.So they can rebuild from there.
Not many of us have that That I can many people have actually been really challenged about that narrative, that story.It may turn into the absolutely true and therefore absolutely brilliant and they're absolutely lying, but if they're burning out, if they're not fully satisfied, well then the origin of that story has to be flawed.
There has to be something missing.I thought you were going to get strategies on how to be kind to yourself.Look tips tips and tricks with this is so much better, so it's not it's not just going for a massage and Cocktails, but let me let me address that by saying this, somebody Rings me and their stereotypical a little bit, you know, obvious.
But let's just say there there, their wife sent them or their husbands.I was just use a wife situation, wife, Rings, me and says my husband.John's an alcoholic, and he has to talk to you.And John comes on the phone begrudgingly.So tell me about yourself.John, well, my wife leaves him out of a colleague.But, listen, that's what we let's do this.
Come on, get it over and done with how many sessions or have to talk to you and let's hope.I don't have to open up about my childhood, whatever.And I go John, are you an alcoholic?Well I'm, I could stop drinking tomorrow morning.It's a great.Okay.So then do I take out the dates.In other words, what I'm saying is I'm less John admits, he's an alcoholic.
There's nothing you can do, like, absolutely nothing.You can strategize all day long.I think if nothing else comes out of this conversation, other than people in the industry, saying, maybe I'm not kind to myself, they're smart enough to figure out the solutions, are smart enough to know anybody in the world.
If you give them a blank piece of paper and says, write down the three things, you should not be eating for your G or for your health or fuel weight, then write down sugar alcohol or whatever it is the you know we all have our three or five or 10 or 15 we don't need more strategies necessarily in our personalized.
Maybe in our businesses is always updates and everything else.I think if they become aware of the harshness and the lack of kindness, the presence of that in their lives, become aware of the next step of this will, what's the cost of them.Because often we say yeah I'm harsh, I'm pushy.
Yeah, but the bit but here's all the ten reasons, it's epic.Everyone tells me they want to be like me, in fact, and then, and I've just been on a podcast last week about how I'm so driven.What's the problem with that?Well, then go to great.Well, you know, do your kids feel supported, are you are, no matter what they do is, It's never enough.
You know what about your wife and go around my wife, very happy, the world is it okay if I phone and ask her?Well, I mean, I mean anything.In other words, I'd phone and a serious disease and as I love them to bits he's brilliant or Her.But, no matter what I do, it's never enough, it's exhausting, I can.
It never enough.So to be aware of the presence of this thing or the absence of kindness, the cost of has in your life.That's the piece that we tend not to look at.And then out of that comes the answer, it's like that's easy.
How do I become more gentle, how do I work on this?Do I need some therapy?Do I need to go on a retreat?Do I need to look at my past?Do I need to look at the way in?Which I hold myself in the world?How can I soften a little bit?How can I be a better person?So I don't pull his weight and energy and expectation on others.
Man, that's good.It's been an hour.Like I can't use all of your time, but I want to it's so good.Well, I love your energy and I again, I really I'm just, I just hope I've we have articulated got this point across because I would imagine they'll be quite a lot of maybe even resistance this conversation or maybe they won't be, maybe it's time.
No, no, Provisions.Open to the conversation.That's why I do it because we're talking about it.Like you don't have answers and and we want to talk about it but this also The Hangover of exactly the stuff we talked about.But it's changing, we're growing, we're getting there.
There's more and more people who are going, you know, fuck this.Like that's not going to be a me.Yeah, I suppose that, you know, it's maybe getting ready to wrap up, but I know I got an email yesterday from somebody out of the blue was actually a linked in common, but I'd never almost never check it.So maybe three months old, I don't know.
But it's so funny that This gentleman said, I want to talk to you about doing an event or doing something with her team around, vulnerability in the workplace.And I called my wife and I just read his his asked to me but I actually read my reply.
And we created this thing called team deepening and it doesn't matter but the details but team deepening is moving on from this idea of team building like, you know, the you know School potholing, let's go, bungee jumping.That's I'm not saying any of those things are bad.It's just like, we're looking for something deeper because most of us aren't most of our awake hours are in a working environment and we're looking for that culture, right?
Or wrong to sustain us and the stats.In the history, the stats in the science show that the number one thing we're looking for, in a work Community is connection.Not just with the people we work with and the people we serve.But within ourselves, we're would you learning connection and of anything this pandemic has shown us is that that's it accelerated that that need and and I made it just a really honest comment on my wife is I think for years I've been trying to Flap around the conversation trying to manipulate the language to to not to sound too fluffy.
Not that we judge because I want to fit in I want to be like I want to whatever like every other human being in the world and I wrote back this guy might run a million miles every back and said there is no better way to connect with another human being other than vulnerability.In fact, every relationship on Earth that has ever authentically deepened, its Founders in genuine vulnerability, not fake vulnerability to achieve something.
Anyway, I just found myself writing this, a two-piece kind of on apologetically but there's two things I want to say about that.One is I think the world is Is really Shifting.The fact we're even having this conversation tells you that and the second thing is there is an absence and I say options of vulnerability within the veterinary community.
Yeah, and maybe absence might sound extreme.I don't think so.But there's an absence in certain quarters.It's an industry that feels that has to have the answers for obvious reasons because we're talking life and death here.We're talking about not making mistakes, all those things, you side of the beginning, but I think, if I could ask ask gently and respectfully, ask your listeners in the future.
Is too. find the place to be courageous to allow people to see a little bit more of your weakness because you have them And if you save 45 dogs, this week and seven cats next week, and 84 goldfish, the week after is never going to make up.
First, you have your, inadequacies, you have your insecurities, you have those moments.I'm not ask you to blast it all over the world.I'm not asking you to put it in the end lights, and then asked you to email to your clients Tested with a couple of people allow people in.That's are often as a shield.
And it's a shield of protectiveness.It's also a shield of insecurity and scaredness because the reason people are taking their lives.The reason they're burning out is because they're not connecting enough with themselves and with people around them and vulnerability is one magnificent way to allow people in.
You see, vulnerability everyday, you stand in front of owners, holding their dogs as they pass away.You break news of cancer and tumors that are non-operable and every single moment of every day of, not every single moment.
But many times a week and I'll often when you see the tears, you see the breakdowns, you see people you've worked with for five or six years, you might have even become attached to the animal yourself.What's the outlet where do you release?And at a it everything we've talked about today, it's just people could do that, just that piece.
I promise you, I guarantee you and I predict that many of the stocks that you cited.The beginning of this call will reduce.That is the most important thing, I think you.And I have discussed in the, in this entire call in my opinion.So is that just I'm trying to think because you write is that shield for for many reasons, you got to keep your shit together.
You don't shift.So I do.I do emergency waiting but it's the same everything.As you say there is that the situations that create strong emotions, but you have to Silo it because you because two minutes later I'm next door at the next consult and it's the people with a brand new puppy.
So how do you, how do you express that vulnerability?What is it?Look like is it with each other?And then he said with the people in your team because you don't and this classic was exactly what you say.You don't look weak.Be the blabbering video at the back but I think I but I think you've nailed it with one word have two or two words.
I have to.I have no, you don't have to the first person.I ran a retreat in Ireland.I run these at a retreat in the west coast of Ireland and I run my first retreat in what felt like a lifetime And the great thing for me is I realized why I'm on this Earth, You Do number of years ago.
And I was compounded again last October when we had our first group of people in years like two and a half years since we're on a live event.And also sometimes not always emotion comes up, people cry.They get in touch with stuff.I don't make people cry despite the rumors people cry because they're meant to cry.
We walked into the room and everyone is settling down.We're just having a cup of tea, just too.To gather and somebody says.So what's it like, you know, standing in the room after two and a half years or whatever, I just broke down.It's the beginning of the retreat that I'm the facilitator.
I'm the guy that's meant to be shipped together and now my narrative would have been 45 years ago.I have to keep my shit together.I have to do that, I have to have to have to, I broke down and I didn't like fall on the ground.They didn't have to pick me up necessarily but I shared a good old here because I and I didn't realize it was going to come.
I wasn't expecting, but I was really proud that I didn't stop her.All I can tell you is this, I'm not asking.Your listeners to walk from one cube of color.One operating room into a consultation room, bawling her eyes out as a representation of courage and bravery and arrival as it comes to this relationship with vulnerability.
All I can tell you is from a let's just call it a consumer standpoint.If I brought the cat, I cherish the dog.I cherish the animal.I love.To a practice.And the first thing I met our after, maybe many consultations, and I met a vet walking through the door with tears rolling down their eyes, and they just looked at me and said, listen, sorry about that, but don't have to say sorry.
But, you know, just we just lost an animal next door.I just go.Where do I go?Where do I sign it?Like, can I just sign a contract now?Because you're the human not, not, not not, not the /.
You're the man.You're the woman.You're the human that I want to look after my dog. you're the spirit that the energy that I want to be around, I'm not asking them to go around and bumbling masses.Crying left, right and center and boxes of Kleenex everywhere.
But I do want you to walk away thinking, you have to be something when you don't I came alive as a speaker.I'm not saying I'm good.Bad or indifferent.That's up to other people.I came alive.When I stopped trying to control my emotions on stage.
When I stopped trying to get, I didn't walk in here today, saying, big sign don't cry.I was like, I think I teared up, you know, telling a story or two, I don't have no shame, I've no judgment for that.I used to That's me.All in everything, you get, good, bad, or indifferent, you decide.
But that's me.And I'm not going to change for anybody.But yet as a speaker, you don't cry as a facilitator.On day one.When everyone else is coming, you've got to show you.And you know what, people I guarantee if we had a way of measuring it, I bet you that room as a better place because I was the first person to cry Guarantee it.
We're gonna have to do more of these.You know that weak people are the, that my professions going to listen to this and go.We need more Philip.Well, I'm here.I'm here.We're building a castle are restoring a castle, and we're doing some good work.Hopefully, and I'm here, and I'm here to serve and that's I've known that for a long time, so I'm up for that.
Anytime in the future, how does it sound to have a V12 podcast listeners event in Ireland with Philip for a week or so?Are you come?I'd provide the castle.I'll provide the conversation.And you guys get over here, we put on something really special because my specialty is small, live intimate Gatherings where we have deep meaningful conversation, that literally will help you change your own life.
We don't change your life, we help people change their own life and that's eff people are out for that, you know, where I am.So I may happen.Phillip, thank you so much for your generous generous diamond and Rave all the bull.The love that you bring to it.Well, you know what, my work is only as good as the people that come and lie conversations on podcasts are only as good as the host time.
You are exceptional and you are so courageous.And I, you go back to any podcast I've ever done, I rarely, ever say that How goal here at the vet bill to have conversations like the one you just listen to, it will give you inspiration and fresh ideas on how to create a thriving and happy career and life as a bit.
You'll know by now that our focus is on the life skills that we need to navigate this challenging and rewarding profession about the something that I've realized over the last few years of exploring ways to increase enjoyment of the job.Is that the Vets who are confident in their skills and knowledge are, as a whole more satisfied with their careers, which makes sense.
When you feel Rusty, or uncertain your knowledge.It's very easy for those imposter feelings to sneak in, I don't know enough.Now I good enough conversely, we know that feelings of growth and Mastery are some of the greatest predictors of a happy career, which is why we created the vent valve clinical podcast, three highly practical episodes every week conversations, not lectures.
With world-class Specialists tips, updates, real insights not textbook Theory short enough to listen to a new drive to work, because enough content to ensure that you will be a little bit better at your job than you were before you listen.Join us on our journey to better by trying out.
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Philip McKernan